apparently there is a subconscious brain/canon link: writing freezes until canon moves on & over that block. it sucks a lot.
[on the one hand, thanks, I know where to take it now. on the other, no thanks, I have to rewrite half of it now. rrr. that's what one gets for setting a story in the present.]

other old news: yep, I am that snobby fanbrat who always craves impossible things. not only I want stories about... idiosyncratic combinations of characters, I want them well-written and somewhat canon-compliant. thus I end up with cases of mental indigestion and try to do it myself, and we all know how I write #-(

rats.

Tags: writing
mood: annoyed
sound: Knock-Knock-Knock

congratulations, it's past midnight and I'm writing a stupid fic based on canon I hardly know & am allergic to. go me. [well, it told me its name, what can a girl DO?]

then I looked at everything I've done and might yet do for the bingo, and what do you know! all those stories, all of them, are about death in some way. characters start out or end up dead. characters think and/or speak about death. characters impersonate death. it looms, dammit.
*headdesk*
since when has my cliché bingo become a private softcore necro... fest?

ETA: eh? dear story, I'm glad you have discovered your well-balanced inner structure, and okay, you know I have a blood kink, but *where* the hell do you think you're going?! the... world does not work that way!
but you're funny '-)

Tags: writing, wtf
mood: cranky
sound: Clint Mansell - Death Is The Road To Awe

I'm becoming allergic to life. again.

also, when mind realized that getting physical: touching, hugging and cuddling bingo prompt was quickly becoming a WTF Bleach fanfic it freaked out and brought up that kawaii lovely bittersweet Kenobi/Organa story I meant to tell a long time ago and in a galaxy far, far away...
no love, mind.
none.
poor unfinished 616 happy ending #-(

Tags: writing
mood: annoyed
sound: Kin-Dza-Dza theme

not good news: job not found, teeth a mess, me - an even bigger mess, same old, same old.
not bad news: lived all right through tooth extraction, been taken to Jerusalem and back on a failed job interview, got tickets to the one & only Leonard Cohen concert in Israel. [this last one is, in fact, BEST news. pray all is well up to & on September 24.]
balance?
Zen?!

oh, and when, back then, I said I did not have enough bingo ideas a dear friend had wisely told me that they would come. right. they have. and they are MAD! [and still do not form a complete line, grrrr...] anyway, I will not fail it completely now. nice '-)

[and I am a coward, which is not new either. a certain kind of coward. which is also why, I guess, I like Ravenous so much: it strikes a chord.]

Tags: rl, writing
mood: cranky

so this most wretched piece of writing is done. as done as done can be. it is not really a story, it's 1.5 pages of notes taken on a weird trip, and that is how it will stay. and I shall sleep and not think what to do with it. there, all well.
~
still need an antidote, though. hellp '-)

Tags: writing
mood: good
sound: por una cabeza

to ward off existential terror, I do another meme, as seen at jazzypom's:

List the first lines of your last twenty stories. See if you find any patterns.
[and the fact that I was hard pressed to make 20 is telling us something.]
( anyway )

Tags: meme, writing
mood: exanimate

this WIP codename WTF, it has already screwed me over twice: once when it suddenly decided to be written and once yesterday, showing its true colors in the end, when there was no way to go but onwards. let's hope there won't be a third time, where I hit a spectacular dry spell once it is done.
really, though. it started with a vision, brief and clear, and now if I squint hard I can find traces of that in the... work. traces. and what creeped in instead? I can't facepalm hard enough. you sly bastard of a fic. all right, I'll play, let's finish it...

...oh, hai, The Fountain flashback!

Tags: writing
mood: exasperated
sound: Unheilig - Willenlos

well, sith. it looks like I am writing that Ultimates thing I mentioned more than a month ago. way to go, me. let's see if I can write myself into a bad place.
then I'll... dunno, print it out, give myself paper cuts and burn the thing.
of all the... it has to be shorthand angst. shoot me.

on a happier note, SDCC! I'm so... glad I was not there? 'cause I doubt they'd have had the cider to resuscitate me #-)

Tags: writing
mood: sad

I'm making some bingo progress by convincing myself that out of the blue and WTF is, in fact, okay. different from long, deep, well-reasoned stories with actual plot, yes, but okay. oftentimes "because" is the right answer.
when I fail to be convincing enough I, naturally, stall.
then I dig up the source[s] to confirm that I had that briefly-mentioned-in-a-sentence little fact right all the time. *facepalm*
I also owe people feedback.

what do I do? why, write long-winded and extremely badly advised pr0n. a hopeless case :-(

Tags: bad idea, writing
mood: amused
sound: Unheilig - Freiheit

awwww, be careful what you ask for, you might just get it. got my title, growing [un]naturally out of the story itself. worse, like the proverbial cat, it dragged something in. ah, that song!

Out of the mist of history he’ll come again
Sailing on ships across the sea to a wounded nation
Signs of a savior and fire on the water
It’s what we prayed for, one of our own

Just wait though wide he may roam
Always a hero comes home
He goes where no one has gone
But always a hero comes home...

and so forth. context has had its revenge, and I am enough of a brat to laugh at that.
wish I was not sober for this, would have an excuse then #-)

Tags: writing
mood: amused
sound: Unheilig - Skin

Write or Die's evil sounds are fun #-)
of course, of course I failed to write 500 words in 15 minutes, but I'm getting there! OMG, once it's... made into an actual story [for a given value of story], I might well have about 1/2K of bingo goodness. funneh '-)
the amazing thing, as always, is the story surprising the hell out of me. "so that is what you were about"-like. at least this time I'm positive it's just thoughts on the subject surfacing in some order, but to watch them do so is no less fascinating.
hello, weirdo handsome. now we need to get you a title, oh dear.

PS: ahhahaha, I was worried about *water*? I should not have #-)

Tags: writing
mood: amused
sound: unheilig - sieh in mein gesicht

a-and while I further procrastinate, a Wordle that finally looks like the real thing. I have no idea how that happened #-)
( lookit )
*snerk*
and it reads like crack.

Tags: pix, writing
mood: silly

recovery periods suck.
no matter what I write, no matter how long a story is or how long the actual writing takes me, no matter how well [or not] it turns out, there always is this flatline interval of writing impotence lasting from a few days to over a week. which is why I'll never be able to write professionally, because it's an everyday work continuous process that cannot afford wipeouts after every few paragraphs. okay. but a total wipeout after something that flowed freely, took about half an hour to put together and warmed a few hearts still feels bloody unfair.
if I continue like this it will take till August to write 5 times 500+ words. [and while quite a few bingo prompts are inspiring, I've managed to make one full line with the rest scattered all over the place. can we say "not-quite-epic but fail"?] I need to find a balance of sorts, a healthy dose of emotional involvement in my own writing, so as to be good for something afterwards. I wish I had an idea of how to go about it.
~
canonic grumble: a-argh! so, character A is special, because he is an X. what is X, and what's so special about it? decades of canon say X is a rank usually bestowed upon a carrier of the artifact Y. artifact Y is, apparently, unique, like a projection of divinity itself or something. fine. but there were precedents when several persons of the rank X existed independently at the same time. canonically. then there is our character A, who is not, for all we know, in possession of Y [or a replica of Y, or whatever], yet he is so X it's mindblowing. *headdesk* can decades of canon please be clear on the subject?
or do I just go, "With all respect, screw you, I'm writing my own"?
~
I'm becoming allergic to the word privilege.
~
*stares at a WIP* now this is interesting. do I warn for character death by default, because that's how he perceives it, or for suicide, because that's how it would look like? dear potential readers, I do care about you, but this is so not a problem I had in mind when I started this!
[aside from the fact that the fandom itself needs a Weird Shit Happens! warning, and a character death - canonically! - often is not the worst thing that can happen to a character... I know. shoot me. back to lurking.]
~
*stares hard at NOT-a-WIP* no, guys. you do not get to compare near death experiences. (I hate making something up only to have canon confirm that tenfold #-) no, you do not get to upgrade the object of your crush so's you could have a romantic walk among the stars. why do I even try?

Tags: bad idea, writing, бред
mood: exanimate
sound: Unheilig - Die Macht

perhaps I should not be writing this while tired & angry, but very little in life happens at a perfect time.

( confused, not dazzled )

that said, I'd love to read on the Transformers's culture, tradition and religion, preferably re: current movieverse, if there is such thing. where do I start digging? besides the wiki?
[and from now on, I'm afraid, whenever I get to that bad, no good place I shall climb out of it remembering the ancient, harmonious and serene beauty of Optimus Prime. color me hopeless, do.]

Tags: fandom, writing
mood: tired

today just about everyone called me: people I no longer work with, my insurance company, a bookstore, and my BFF in a pear tree with a stylistic/syntactic question '-) the one person who should've called me, though, - a job hunting consultant - didn't. ah, well. the bookstore ppl say they have the second part of Alumen for me. and Transformers 2 premiere's tomorrow. all sweet.
~
I've built an interactive map/organizer for the bingo. technically it's great, completion-wise it looks sad: prompt/story ratio is not good, and certain lines are mutually exclusive. argh for 9 years of math studies turning up uninvited #-)
[speaking of uninvited, a vidlet to a Russian song will not do, will it?]

*crawls away*

Tags: rl, writing
mood: tired
sound: Михаил Щербаков - Школа Танцев-2

dear self,
you signed up for Cliché Bingo. not Kink Bingo. remember? remember why you did not sign up for Kink Bingo? keep that in mind, will ya?
also, while you have filled a page with damn weird ideas, you have yet to complete a single line. [insert *headdesk* here]
[ah... though now that I've recalled some HB2-inspired things, it might not be a problem after all.]
also, if you write that Ultimates... thing... for 'hallucinations/visions'... no, if you dare post that thing... I shall despair of you #-)
[well, either way that's better than Luke Skywalker & Leia Organa having hot cerebral sex in an awesomely insane SW AU... wait, does this count for 'telepathy'?]

Tags: writing
mood: cranky

got my Cliché Bingo card. I... think I can do it. I think I like it. I have already scared people with my interpretation of some prompts, and have clarified the others...
I say yum '-)

Tags: writing
mood: content
sound: Vanessa Mae - Warm Air

today was... interesting.
against better judgment caught up on comics reading, gave myself a headache, got [yet again] into this lovely curl-up-and-die corner, climbed out, been reminded that I'm one snobby bitch when it comes to art :(
went out & about, walked quite a lot in lovely Israeli summer sun, finally bought sunscreen #-)
the sun must've got to me, though, because sometime later I recalled something that perfectly summed up my feelings for Reborn. it's the ending of a poem by Vladimir Mayakovsky, [the] Russian Futurist [aye] from early XX. I wish I could offer an adequate translation, I really do. however, having faced those feelings, I now can be kind of hopeful about it :) go figure.
also, if I ever mix up Reborn and Unborn, which can happen, black_dragon just might kill me after all

~

and then, still reeling from the sun and the surprise poetic trip, I signed up for cliche_bingo [discovered via jazzypom]. you can too, till 26.06.09.
it's all about tropes we know and love, it's personal and random, it supports IDIC fandom and medium diversity, word count starts at 500, and the deadline is flexible '-)

[now let's see if I fail that. *quite a few fandoms of one raise heads and sniff the air*]

Tags: writing, бред
mood: high

there's a truckload of stuff to do, so I... take Mary Sue Litmus Test for characters from [another] unwritten story of mine. it's fun '-)
( meep )

and now I run.

Tags: story, writing
mood: amused
sound: Duffy - Mercy

I have, after much struggle, finished a story PWP thingy. now I'd love somebody to beta-read it, for I have lost objectivity weeks ago. it was supposed to be unadulterated, lighthearted [and somewhat R-rated] fluff based on a movie so romantic it's silly. after I took secateurs to it, though... I do not know.
so, if you're up to it OR can tell where a [potential] beta can be found, pls hellp?

Tags: writing
mood: accomplished
sound: David Bowie - Wild Is The Wind

is there a club or something? for those who mean to write a PWP and end up researching & pulling hair because that plot hole over there has to be filled dammit?
on the other hand, the good news be I have one of those PWPs completely outlined, so it can be written.
and then I'll go to a warm place for mentioning arachnophobia during oral sex, but that's okay '-)
~
on the third hand, ( Trek... )
~
and on that next hand, Marvel... Meet-Up... OMGWTFLOL, and *headdesk*.
ouch.

Tags: trek, writing, бред
mood: okay
sound: Wuthering Heights OST

~ the mindless piece of fluff, which has miraculously progressed past 1000 words, got to a point where I can barely stand to look at it. and I matter-of-principle have to finish it, and then I'm gonna find somebody willing to have a beta look at what began as a moment of truth lulz.
~ codename IMTTfWTF [which still consists of so much air and 3 viable lines] keeps throwing scenes & dialogue my way. none of it helps with gaping plot [what plot?] holes and critical lack of info, but hey! it just won't take "I am NOT doing you" for an answer.
~ speaking of info, I spent several interesting & enlightening hours reading about Old Norse and Viking cultures. have I written anything based on that knowledge gained? nope! [mental image of Thor explaining that "you need a different hero" counts not!]

there's a dire need for sense to be knocked talked into me. hellp...

Tags: writing
mood: aggravated
sound: Unheilig - Stark

I'm sober, not sick, not sleep deprived either, and it's broad daylight... yet I'm making the most ridiculous typos, lost lots of them.
ouch.
on the other hand, the computer says it's an easy read '-)
finish or bust?
or bust.

Tags: writing
mood: cynical