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ahem. sorry, that was loud. but deserved. but... okay, The Invincible Iron Man spoiler ahead. after THIS I feel entitled to a well-contained hysterical laughing fit. *commences* guh... really, guys, you could not have done that, like, [half] a year ago? *carries on* guess I ought to finish that one bingo story now. Tony fcking Stark, your fcked up motivator... ♥ Tags: tfs, wtf
mood:  high
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I dreamt I lived in a country where it snowed 10 weeks a year. maybe more. for the rest of the year the snow just lay there '-) and it was so fine. so good. I not only survived, I actually enjoyed living there #-) suppose it was so incredibly cold you stopped noticig after a while. also, don't know wth is with gender switch in dreams, but this time I was definitely male. walking topless in winter... yes, sure. ~ have met a third cousin of mine. he's a really cute and all around nice guy. he trains a junior tennis team, sings opera, speaks half a dozen languages, loves swimming and dancing. he resides in Sweden but will stay here till 26.07.09. and he looks more like an Israeli than most of us '-) aw, exotic family. ~ I still am a terrible snob when it comes to writing/reading, and a grammar Nazi. somebody shoot me already #-( ~ and last night, dear diary, we went to see Public Enemies. ( deary me. )~ I really, really should be writing me bingo. instead I grumble about text formatting and contemplate not-quite-natural things to do to Tony. bad fan, no... nothing, really. *headdesk* Tags: dream, rl, tfs, videogasm
mood:  amused
sound: Unheilig - Herz aus Eis
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someday a Marvel spawn creation will make me want to take it home & money be damned, not to take the book/multivolume collection and beat its authors senseless with it, just in case. someday, but not today. alas. ~ on the other hand, Tomorrow Men deliver. just when I'm about to grit me teeth & grumble about certain writing tricks abuse the book goes & says something good. nice timing, if anything. someday I must write a review of sorts. ( aww. )~ and then there's this third hand... it is, basically, a thinly veiled black plot hole. but it's got two cases of classic romance that won't take "no" for an answer and refuse to die stay in my idea morgue. *sigh* I want a purple t-shirt saying, 'Til All Are Gone. *headdesk* Tags: bad idea, tfs, ttf
mood:  tired
sound: Unheilig - Astronaut
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I should be sleeping, right. ~ no matter what I google, it's a fair bet there will be a Stark reference among search results. past unexpected and right into disturbing. dear universe, we've had this talk before, cut it out. ~ dear character, no. I understand that you feel like you need three arms, but you cannot have an extra one. you're a smooth operator, figure it out. ~ dear social networking sites, *facepalm*. "Batman added a comment to your page" is way past ridiculous. ~ the sunset was... weird and graphically beautiful: pale greys, slate blue, shades of gold, lines sharp and clear, shapes perfect... now I wonder if I ever see a perfect sunrise, for reference '-) Tags: tfs
mood:  cranky
sound: Placebo - Sleeping With Ghosts
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I was vacuuming, and a door fell on me. now, this place we rent is old, most of the furniture is crap and does fall apart now & then, but still, that was a big door. fortunately, [1] I caught it before it could damage me, and [2] by sheer stupid luck it fell this short of the fcking large glass balcony doors. very lucky, that. I live in a slum. ~ dear brain, stop that. what I had in mind was a small, self-contained, amusing dose of crack, NOT a kinky, angsty trip in cybermindfuck. I do not care how beautiful someone looks with a star in their heart. I do not care about quasi-sentient armor's existential issues either. I have things to do and a job to hunt. can we go back to light crack, like, now? yeah, right. Tags: bad idea, rl, tfs
mood:  annoyed
sound: Jesus built my hotrod
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ahh... have discovered Dreamwidth [thanks again, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) bwinter] and Google Docs. looks like someday I will upload myself to the Net. ~ MA [Marvel Adventures] is slow to DL crack. suitable-for-kids and all that... sugar, but crack. then again, what isn't, and even if it was not intended as such my ways of thinking will make it so eventually :-( also, words "Tony Stark" and "invincible" on the same page still make me want to *headdesk*, but hasn't it been done already: And summoned now to deal | With your invincible defeat, | You live your life as if it’s real...okay, *headdesk*. also, Ultimate Avengers WTF? ~ what is it with me and [elderly] men named Leonard? I am ready to believe in alchemy. slowly it works, but surely '-) ~ ( and some more Trek )Tags: tfs, trek
mood:  awake
sound: Leonard Cohen - A Thousand Kisses Deep
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this. so the voice is off, etc., etc., but. it just rocks, unsteady #-) and the ending, the ending's something I'd pay dearly to see IRL, sort of #-) also, I did mention I liked movie version of Optimus Prime, right? ( right... )over & out '-) Tags: caps, tfs, ttf
mood: amused
sound: VNV Nation - Beloved
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so I decided to take not a shower but a bath, once in a while. that went amazingly well... up to the point where the bath tub suddenly wouldn't drain. so I did some pumping, which did drain the tub all right. brought up some suspicious debris, but - all riiiight... only all that water decided to stay with us for good, coming back up through shower drain and running gleefully into 3 rooms at once. we then went on having an eventful evening until the drains had changed their rusty minds and sucked the flood water down. bloody rented apartment with its ancient plumbing, grr, aaargh. ~ ...and I am about to believe in fate here, because. because the story turned and twisted out of my grasp, apparently waiting for me to read Ultimate Power, part 9. [grr, argh, branching canon..!] because otherwise there'd have been a major factual screw-up. ~ If we sleep together
Will you like me better?
If we come together
We'll go down forever.
If we sleep together
Will I like you better?
If we come together...
Prove it now or never. in deed. fandom has this awesome [new] tradition of making musical mixes, and I just don't know what to do. what I have looks & sounds like trippy sappy twisted multiverse TFS mix. and who in their right mind wants that, hmm? (aww, but IM fandom MUST listen at least to Skin... what to do #-) Tags: rl, tfs
mood: cranky
sound: Garbage - Sleep Together
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I [1] promised to write something wholesome, [2] considered writing self-indulgent pr0n, [3] was most definitely & firmly against writing anything like this. so... an odd weather report and sweet memories of a story read a long time ago and in a galaxy far, far away have mixed with my slight frustration with the theme... and I went & wrote exactly that, something that would not even suck, no pun intended. I have no excuse. so it's an AU ficlet set in Ultimate Marvel universe [ because it fits and I have actually read the whole arc?]. it deals with Tony Stark and Steve Rogers [ because], and can only be rated W for WTF. the best thing about it is the title from master Cohen's song [ there's blood on every bracelet, you can see it, you can taste it... aye]. [and yes, I did watch Let the Right One In and loved it.] ~ ( light as the breeze )~ ... *facepalm* Tags: ff, mine, tfs, бред
mood:  crazy
sound: Pink - Bad Influence
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first, I've been trying to clean up me hard drives [at least 4 DVDs of comic archives, imagine that] when I recalled an old, old story, sketches for, and decided to look it up. have not found that one, but! have [re]discovered a practically completed Star Wars AU fic. it breaks my heart, that story does: it is AU and out of character in its assumptions, but there's some damn fine dialogue, and gods, I wish I could still write like that! I thought of rewriting it to fit the canon, Episode III specifically... and decided against it. wth, let it be big bad AU. with spices on top #-) that, gentlefolk, was one nice & unexpected trip. and a "get your shit together, good writing IS possible!" reminder. that was not the objective, though. the thing is... as much as I think & talk Stark, one'd rightfully expect me to write something already [and shut up, then], right? it's not like I lack [insane] writing ideas, right? and I cannot plead unfamiliarity with various canons any longer, too... so what does one do about it, pray? ...right, one flips. one visualizes a piece of pure crack & writes it the hell down. like this: ( hard candy )~ ... right, wtf. Tags: bad idea, ff, mine, tfs
mood:  content
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someplace my mind is unraveling slowly, sinking into a vision of liquid silk and fume - smoke - intoxication by touch, words extra dry, eyes glazing over. submerged, not floating but sliding with a languid ease, out of touch, against each other, whatever. on the other side of sane & sober. breathing ether..? the thing is, someplace it is, if only in a morbid yet vivid fantasy, it does happen. awful & awesome, deadly & delicate, and this. shall we liquefy, you and I..?Tags: bad idea, tfs
mood: tired
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but not exactly alive either. am in an... odd place. missing important things. watching the world rush by at a terrifying speed sometimes. it is trying hard to chew me up and make me a plucky little evolutionary fighter... or else. well, well. the trouble is, I do not want to go extinct at this particular moment '-) ~ my 2 discs of Iron Man, though, have been returned to me, so there was fun hunting down an episode I had always wanted to cap. had to go through most of the special features to find it, lost track of time a bit '-) the usual. ( so there. )~ this year has no fcking right to be worse than 2008, it just may not, the bastard. Tags: caps, rdj, tfs
mood: cranky
sound: Carter Burwell - 10 - Call of the wild
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today I slept in, swept the flat, drank some cranberry Ocean Spray & took my loneliness for a walk by the sea. the breeze, the space, the quiet, and Leonard Cohen song collection do one much, much good. I tried to write, too, but it did not work as planned. still might, though. got home at about 4 p.m., finally ate something, and switched back to the unreal life, thank goodness for torrents '-) so, what happens when you put together me, Photoshop and seemingly endless comic archives? nothing good, apparently. ( for one )( a handful of starkisms )( odds & ends )there. normal functioning? never to be resumed. Tags: iconic, pix, tfs
mood:  accomplished
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for all not nice things I said about Marvel, there's this... to consider: you're having, like, a really, truly, very shitty day, and drag yourself back home pretty much hating the world & questioning the point of going on... and there's a link to good old Ultron scans #-) sure, does not change anything in RL, but the laugh does the body & soul *good*. so there. and because someone said Stark... [yes, you should say it & drag me out of my own sorry head. and yes, you should probably shut me up sometime later. anyways] there's The Kids Aren't All Right, which. which is an incredibly well-written manual on the awful & awesome that Tony Stark is/can be. then there is Running the Risk. and The Devil Riding Your Back. and Daedalus. and the Extremis arc...I could go on. but for inspiring & encouraging daring, experiment & so much good writing? hats *off*. (odd stuff I've been considering writing keeps popping up. if it ends with a Reign of Fire fic... well #-) Tags: recs, tfs
mood:  exanimate
sound: Tom Yorke - Analyse
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okay, world. I give. you can stop this... what ever it is you're doing, putting Tony fcking Stark's face everywhere I turn? you can stop it. I got the message, I can't quit, all right, just... don't push it. deal? ...and there I was, picking up a funny, in no way related movie to, ah, set me mind straight. forgot about the ads! my bad! got another screen full of Tony not quite sure what he was doing there himself. helllllp..? Tags: tfs, бред
mood:  weirded out
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'cause I've been through this. on a level insignificant in the greater scheme of things, but on the same principle. say you're doing a job you're not fit to do. you did not want it and might well hate it, but you do it out of your messed up sense of responsibility. you fuck up, sometimes badly, sometimes fatally, dammit. you try to fix things and only make them worse, because the fault is in you, in the way you fcking are. and there seldom is a manual, but hey, you're smart, you'll figure it out! I know how that goes, and I understand. what I do not understand is people - superiors, subordinates, friends, family, anyone - letting it go on well past the point of no return. they will bitch, they will whine, they will blame, but they won't do a damn thing! like help or, if it can no longer be helped, take the culprit down? something, anything useful? because left to our own devices we're bound to find a wrong, wrong way out, q.e.d. of terminal loneliness terrible things are born. how dare you. Tags: tfs
mood:  pissed off
sound: Unheilig - Mein Stern
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my not-quite-fandom is *SToned*, and I love it. "Would you --" "-- fuck myself? In a heartbeat." in different contexts, for different reasons, unbeknownst to each other... but me fandom thinks, of the same person, along those lines. love, I'm telling you. ~ and I am brainstorming pr0n. in a different fandom altogether. where it does not quite write itself. um. *giggle* *facepalm* ...and, knowing him, he would measure the heartbeats. precisely. perfectly. *headdesk* Tags: fandom, tfs
mood: amused
sound: Unheilig - Sage ja!
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well, not exactly, not quite, but damn close #-) am obviously not complaining here. oh, there was the spur of the moment adventure when I up & went to Jerusalem, on a cold winter night, to see Good [and the title is damn right] with me soulmate. (there is nothing like running through a city you do not know, like, at all, with the clock ticking and icy wind beating the crap out of you, aye #-) there was a lovely silver & amber pendant, and a vast & intimidating contraption of a bouquet... it was beautiful, it was fantastic, but my hand seriously ached from carrying it around till I found a taxi, and then it didn't fit into the car #-) [yes, you'd think it was Christmas Eve, but in fact it was my birthday, and yes, I fail at being feminine & graceful, epically so.] all that & a stash of my favourite Bacardi Breezer, but as presents go... ...yes. yes, please '-) ( funny thing you should say that... )so that's where I've been out to '-) Tags: rdj, tfs, videogasm
mood:  okay
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he is made of awesome. he is quite a piece of work. he is - acts? - arrogant 'cause he is just that good, the bastard. sucks at relationships. prone to acts of damn well unexpected good will and self-destructive heroics. he can fly. and has a bad heart. ... ...that, gentlebeings, was me having just read Courtney Crumrin & the Prince of Nowhere. which was in no way funny, yet I laughed, hysterically, because - man!! I swear, it is a conspiracy of sorts. *facepalm* squared. and there was that AU story about Tony learning magic... *screw* me.Tags: tfs, бред
mood: crazy like a fool
sound: Unheilig - Sage ja!
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the "about 4 hours of sleep" thing, yeah, well, happens when I do research or read something that turns out to be novel[la] length [and since when do I..?], and will you look at the time! yes, it is bloody stupid. [even more stupid is automatically fixing stylistic errors in the stuff I read, 'cause it's basically so right, and just this bit... fck. you'd think I get paid for it or something.] then there is, of course, the fact that I was much happier before I did the reading & research. 'cause it's too much like "You're dead, you're safe now" thing, and how fucked up is that? *headdesk* all extremes, awesome and awful, and one wonders what on Earth holds that together, and... huh, experimental storytelling and literary games seem to be my personal crash test wall #-) [and I used to think HB2 was bad that way. oh man, at least it does not have decades of perfectly fucked up documented storyline.] right... the next time I try to have a guilt trip, pls hit me & remind me to fcking quit. Tags: tfs
mood: weird
sound: The Killers - Somebody Told Me
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I have managed not to screw up my experimental batch of hot chocolate. well, it's not *the* thing, but it's hot and chocolatey [sp?], so it counts '-) first time in ages I sort of cooked something with milk, too... *sucks on burned tongue* nummy! 'm under influence #-) ~ speaking of influences, there's this story. written with love, skill and sense of humor, it be a living proof that every fandom must have a game of chess. and starships. and sex. well, less lucky ones can settle for 2 out of 3 '-) read, read, it's purrrfect. oh, fck me, Elfie's got a kinky crush. wheee...Tags: recs, rl, tfs
mood: amused
sound: Warren Zevon - My Shit's Fucked Up
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thirsty
complacent
rushed
frustrated