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Elefwin
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Name: Elefwin
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a journal bound in leather fine
as soft as human skin
elefwin
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the day hasn't been totally wasted: I did it #-) the XF filk that bugged me for the last 36 hours or so.
now, it ain't exactly accurate, and I am not certain about a couple of words - of their being words, that is '-) but on the whole? hot damn #-)
in the most tender memory of Milagro,
Living Next Door to Mulder )
~
*sniff*
hellp...
gimme some hardcore mindbending MSk, pls...

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mood: accomplished

elefwin
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простите мой клатчский, но...
...зря я про лопату, видимо. потому что тут же ею и огребла. ой, огребла...
и надо бы сказать, а не получается, ибо горло перетянуто и мну способно выжать восхищение только односложно и ненормативно.
и морской привкус в перетянутом горле.
а к черту такие книги... только поздно уже.

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mood: crushed

elefwin
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стихотворение мое, старое, любимое... к слову о пересказе историй и нечаянном еврействе в северной саге #-)
... )

и откуда что взялось '-)

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mood: okay
sound: в небе ходит большая волна, достигая небесного дна...

elefwin
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apathy wtf..?! and body, if you absolutely have to sleep half a day, could you please extract some pleasure from it & not feel beaten up?
...
... .... ...
...fandom in haiku?

after all, we are
flesh and blood, but some of us
just keep coming back.
~
cream, honey, brandy,
ashes, wine, a dash of blood
before dark chocolate.
~
a long time ago
in a story told backwards
there'd be only stars.
~

that, and some fiddling with the layout, and a new icon.
I feel rotten #-S

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mood: exanimate

elefwin
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I've been... waiting #-(
and trying not to think, and missing people, and sleeping through days, and making user bars. they are... crunchy?
my new headset works, all parts of it. I might talk at you online now. omg.
said headset had been acquired on my way to the therapist... [1] I have found, after two sad attempts, *the* bus stop I must get down at so I would not have to walk around half the city. the stop the way from which takes me past a stationery & computer accessories shop, so '-) and [2] what with seasons changing and new sights and so on, there are now splashes of bougainvillea the color of diluted blood - and cool white. I wanted to stay there, in the street, and just touch cool paper-dry and thin petals-that-are-actually-leaves...
bougainvillea
blooms white today. oh brother,
honestly, green blood?

meep... do come. coooome heeeere...
*headdesk*

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mood: cranky
sound: Moogwai - Viola

elefwin
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it has been written long ago
by masters
cast in marble, and bronze, and word
almighty
why then, pray, must we replay
the wicked game
and long for something
a hair's breadth beyond
and live, and love, and bleed
and hate because a heart
is wired
just that way
and taking this longing out
might just kill?

red wire..?

Tags: ,
mood: sad
sound: leonard cohen - take this longing

elefwin
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my eyes are almost bleeding, so no more drawing tonight. alas. consider glasses?.. (but that ribbon looks effing nice #-)

and I've just been scared out of my wits by CD tray gently & unexpectedly sliding out and touching my leg. must adjust the burner's options so's it won't do so again. and on that CD [of 700 MB capacity] went a file of about 707 MB, don't ask me how. see, I tried to compress it further with AGK, set 690 MB size limit, and the result turned out... right, 734 MB. ah, software. at times like this I look at thee and feel a young innocent barbarian again.
however, on a CD it is now, so I am officially guilty of video piracy. yo-ho.

it's a great pity we cannot control our dreams. of course, then some of us wouldn't wake up ever for a long, long time... on the other hand, I'd sleep much easier tonight without Harris's Italian flashbacks possibly waiting around the corner of the conscious. aw, crossfandoms... [have you seen From Hell? some of Fred's visions, when he walks through the twilight London, bumping into people familiar and not, dead and alive, and those he has yet to meet... that's exactly the feeling]
tell me a bedtime story?!

you
walk in my dreams I
walk in my dreams
through a day and another
we go places, and seams
unravel
too true
to be good... oh brother,
where
the hell
are you?!

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mood: sleepy
sound: Dracula's Wedding in my head

elefwin
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the film I've been waiting to see all this week? missed all but end credits, because I'm st00pid, what.
the... picture thingy I spent several hours torturing last night? had to delete the end result, it was bad bad. [on the plus side, have installed the Equalizer, finally, mmm shiny]
the good things I ought to be doing with all the new & old artsy stuff? did not even touch them. because I suck. not for long, hopefully, but still.
and the day began so wonderfully well, with a good old V&V naughty idea curled comfortably round my brain...
ah, snap!

the only good thing about this life deal is the music. mraow...

[I have not touched you today
not with a hand nor with an eye,
and memory I locked away
today
we walked alone...]

P-poetry, confound it! '-)

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mood: apathetic
sound: Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Dead man in my bed

elefwin
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night: press face to glass
and look out into you...
ah, humanity

because of family ties, and cut-glass finesse & delicacy, and being too sharp for one's own good... and damn, haven't we been there before?

snake-like, arcanum
lies coiled between the pages -
words lie in thy mouth

...lilac?

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mood: listless
sound: simple minds - Dancing Barefoot

elefwin
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ensnared
in a web of asphalt grey
and brilliance eye-piercing,
trapped:
mapped:
pinned to the city
map
we stand
live walls climb up -
a hundred thousand candles -
we walk
the night the edge of winter:
late November,
no rest in peace, we last
and lie in waiting,
we tumbleweed islands,
we avert our faces -
and yet
cannot escape the light.

Tags: ,
mood: exhausted
sound: Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet with Butterfly Wings

elefwin
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[waiting for Pendergast]

we're far, oh so far
we could probably touch
on the other side,
world standing still
just this once, just for us
but six weeks is too much
and the waiting would
certainly kill
but this once,
just this once,
shall we dance,
words and stars
twisting tongues
and new scars,
papercuts
...
black & white
photographs.

~

alternately,

pefect drugs #-)

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mood: cranky
sound: REM - Walk Unafraid

elefwin
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because I'm vain and... twisted. a bit. tonight.
the best thing ever done at work [besides the mask of the assassin picture] is:

picture writing )

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mood: tipsy
sound: NIN

elefwin
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[1] I am invisible, apparently, yes?

[2] have been blown away. burned to ashes & blown away like anything.
pure visual explosion of grace plus acoustic orgasm?

of thin men:

you move like you speak like you touch like you twist
turnskin inside out you smoke and mist
you free fall and no wings and matter of art
you light as the breeze, like a blade through a heart

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mood: ecstatic
sound: Replica

elefwin
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beware:
there is poetry.
*facepalm*

here )

...

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mood: creative
sound: David Bowie - Thursday's Child

elefwin
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but it feels so good.
despite head hurting like *hell* and real life biting the wind and...
ah, it feels so good.
like being in love. slightly drunk, slightly high, light-headed...

and once again
so hard you make
it to believe
that you & me
weren't meant to be,
actually '-)

I'm just a girl looking for a perfect mindfuck... oh, wait. no longer looking #-)

Tags: ,
mood: enthralled
sound: Muse-Sunburn

elefwin
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...and it twined round my heart and pulled hard,
and again was I sinking into waves of fire
as my all turned to ashes to flame to smoke
and memory, but here and now
and always
~
the lullaby she never had a chance to sing...

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mood: crushed
sound: SW III track 14

elefwin
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okay, the wretched thing works, but just barely. tomorrow the cable is to be changed. uh... cross everything?
~
in other news, we all need a holiday badly #-)
...and I am haunted - plagued - by the ghosts of stuff I won't write, ever. because I am a coward, a bloody perfectionist, and just a bit too sensible at times. but... the pictures, the mental images, are here & won't go.
...and then someone more daring & a better writer will do them. or Master Cohen will sing about it.
*facepalm* ought to be sleeping, really, for tomorrow's gonna be a madhouse...
am not.
~
sunset and moonrise, and whisper of sea waves on the sand[s]... and flowers. garlands. shoot me

a star falls, sinking under waves,
and silent is the sea.
forgetting all your earthly ways
you come at last to me.

...

and slowly the world expands,
unfurl the deepest skies...
between the waters and the sands
a star falls in your eyes.

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mood: tired
sound: leonard cohen - a thousand kisses deep

elefwin
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it was spring 1999. and I was in love. it tore my quiet graduate student's life to pieces, it did not acknowledge several centuries' temporal difference, it did not care for linguistic barriers, it just was there because it could not not be...
it was then that I wrote, "But to a poet, inspiration Lies neither to heart nor to mind."
I also was very angry, with literary/poetic tradition as well as with politics and... good God.
[and my poetry was written in Russian]
здесь )

N.F. - Now & Forever...

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mood: lost
sound: Muse - Fury

elefwin
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I am spending money on the net & spamming my flist. how we missed that...
the thing is, what I've just spent the money on will be delivered, if I know anything about them Russians, in the beginning of March. somewhere around the 8th of March. the irony. last year it was OUaTiM, IIRC... some get flowers, some get chocolate, and I get crack in the shape of slim dark men with peculiar ways of thinking. fancy #-)

oh, wth. I'm hungry. figures.

hungry for your touch,
and thirsty for your waters:
oceans in your blood,
and spears of your mind.
times will never match,
and names will never matter:
open, flow & flood
the tides of heart that bind
us.

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mood: lyrical
sound: Sarah Brightman - Captain Nemo

elefwin
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do you know my poetry? ©

the day only got more weird. and the hallucination I'm currently living through is - even phonetically! - one big cosmic joke. so?
an answer to the bit scribbled this morning,
and in a different language, too. [facepalm]

...А слышу я - падучую звезду,
огонь во льду, горящий замерзая,
одну стрелу, что походя пронзает
рай - сердце - ад - три мира
на лету.

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mood: still freaked out
sound: Radiohead - A Wolf at the Door

elefwin
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again, with feeling... oh fuck.
so impolite, yet so true.
okay, I gave in & looked up pictures from Troy [not that I have time/strength/will to go movie watching anytime soon, but].
eff......
[1] bloody, bloody Oldie!!! after their Odysseus, Son of Laertes I just can't calmly see that epic. any godsdamned Greek epic. but I might have to, just for the kicks! ow, ow, blast X-)
[2] men. with. bows? [bloody Oldie again!] damn, damn, damn, like I needed a new fixation. ow!

(I look at you, swift death in pretty armour
of human flesh,
and ages fall apart,
and Heavens part,
and what I see is Thunder...)

trippin'!!!!!!!!!!!!1

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mood: freaked right out
sound: Buena Vista Social Club - Chan Chan

elefwin
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call it a visual hangover '-) nobody forced me to spend half a night in picture paradise, but I did anyway... so sorry, body. pushing you too far, and all that... and then, in less than an hour, work '-)
yeah, right.
anyway, what this - and previous, for that matter, - posts were supposed to be about, somewhat:
~
the horror of life
and justice, interrupted.
not virtue and vice.
~
hot damn, if I start dreaming in haikus...

also, this tune. ach, soundtracks. as if anyone needs any more nails in their metaphorical coffin lid '-)

~E, victim of sensory hunt.

Tags: ,
mood: creative
sound: Combustible Edison - Spy vs. Spy

elefwin
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O.M.G...
if you hear the most embarrassing squee, that's probably me. aw. sorry '-)
's just... PFO: the pretty factor overload.
smoke, mist and autumn leaves.
twiiiiiilight...
[sigh]
I'm dead and loving it '-)
~
soft-spoken demon:
midnight, rain, stone, and vine
broken at the root.
~
ruby me '-)

Tags: ,
mood: ecstatic
sound: Meatloaf-I Would Do Anything For Love

elefwin
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let's just say it: we ♥ Edward Scissorhands.
 )

...and sunglasses. "big bad black" shades. for the I really don't want to see you, world, on this sunny day occasions '-)

such a sad case '-)

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mood: mellow
sound: Juno Reactor - Labyrinth

elefwin
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at ten tomorrow
the end of dusty road
something will begin

black, blue, and smokin'
dance your bleedin' heart out
gun too hot to hold

I wander... '-)

tomorrow. here. OMFG, finally '-)
["Sir, I didn't see nothing, I was just getting home late..."]

and since this night's just so very musical, from Outkast's Dracula's Wedding:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your're all I ever wanted, but I'm terrified of you
See my castle may be haunted, but I'm terrified of you
I've cast my spell on millions, but I'm terrified of you...

(DW? why? why, all the way down, baby... and sufficient down becomes up... '-)

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mood: happy
sound: Oasis - Fade In-Out

elefwin
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young moon hangs low
above the garbage bins,
hungry cat's eye.

[to Chris]
paper survives
the many kinds of fire...
we slash. and burn.

no fire escapes.
flames leave via the roof.
head's full of embers.

"reset" I press
again. oh the frustration
of mice and men!

[in character]
both pen and canvas
you escape, perfection...
how dare you!

taming new art form
around one's midnight,
reason's nightmare.

call it a night,
weave into a dream this
fey crimson thread '-)

Tags: ,
mood: indifferent
sound: Rufus Wainwright - Hallelujah