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dear Elfie, really. you have one hell of a week to face, you are not ready for it, your life is a fcking mess, y'know? then there is a deadline, and you have virtually nothing to show. you have plans, though. be a good girl, follow that through. get your shit together, finish what you had started. learn to count. do not start new WTFs, try. that said, Starrk has dead eyes is a good opening, true, but DROP IT pls? do not write off a canon you barely know. do not write anime-based fanfiction. no love at all #-( [but Starrk does have dead eyes, and a pack of lone wolves forever runs through the Hollow World night...] Tags: bad idea, wtf
mood:  annoyed
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I'm making some bingo progress by convincing myself that out of the blue and WTF is, in fact, okay. different from long, deep, well-reasoned stories with actual plot, yes, but okay. oftentimes "because" is the right answer. when I fail to be convincing enough I, naturally, stall. then I dig up the source[s] to confirm that I had that briefly-mentioned-in-a-sentence little fact right all the time. *facepalm* I also owe people feedback. what do I do? why, write long-winded and extremely badly advised pr0n. a hopeless case :-( Tags: bad idea, writing
mood:  amused
sound: Unheilig - Freiheit
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someday a Marvel spawn creation will make me want to take it home & money be damned, not to take the book/multivolume collection and beat its authors senseless with it, just in case. someday, but not today. alas. ~ on the other hand, Tomorrow Men deliver. just when I'm about to grit me teeth & grumble about certain writing tricks abuse the book goes & says something good. nice timing, if anything. someday I must write a review of sorts. ( aww. )~ and then there's this third hand... it is, basically, a thinly veiled black plot hole. but it's got two cases of classic romance that won't take "no" for an answer and refuse to die stay in my idea morgue. *sigh* I want a purple t-shirt saying, 'Til All Are Gone. *headdesk* Tags: bad idea, tfs, ttf
mood:  tired
sound: Unheilig - Astronaut
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recovery periods suck. no matter what I write, no matter how long a story is or how long the actual writing takes me, no matter how well [or not] it turns out, there always is this flatline interval of writing impotence lasting from a few days to over a week. which is why I'll never be able to write professionally, because it's an everyday work continuous process that cannot afford wipeouts after every few paragraphs. okay. but a total wipeout after something that flowed freely, took about half an hour to put together and warmed a few hearts still feels bloody unfair. if I continue like this it will take till August to write 5 times 500+ words. [and while quite a few bingo prompts are inspiring, I've managed to make one full line with the rest scattered all over the place. can we say "not-quite-epic but fail"?] I need to find a balance of sorts, a healthy dose of emotional involvement in my own writing, so as to be good for something afterwards. I wish I had an idea of how to go about it. ~ canonic grumble: a-argh! so, character A is special, because he is an X. what is X, and what's so special about it? decades of canon say X is a rank usually bestowed upon a carrier of the artifact Y. artifact Y is, apparently, unique, like a projection of divinity itself or something. fine. but there were precedents when several persons of the rank X existed independently at the same time. canonically. then there is our character A, who is not, for all we know, in possession of Y [or a replica of Y, or whatever], yet he is so X it's mindblowing. *headdesk* can decades of canon please be clear on the subject? or do I just go, "With all respect, screw you, I'm writing my own"? ~ I'm becoming allergic to the word privilege. ~ *stares at a WIP* now this is interest ing. do I warn for character death by default, because that's how he perceives it, or for suicide, because that's how it would look like? dear potential readers, I do care about you, but this is so not a problem I had in mind when I started this! [aside from the fact that the fandom itself needs a Weird Shit Happens! warning, and a character death - canonically! - often is not the worst thing that can happen to a character... I know. shoot me. back to lurking.] ~ *stares hard at NOT-a-WIP* no, guys. you do not get to compare near death experiences. (I hate making something up only to have canon confirm that tenfold #-) no, you do not get to upgrade the object of your crush so's you could have a romantic walk among the stars. why do I even try? Tags: bad idea, writing, бред
mood:  exanimate
sound: Unheilig - Die Macht
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I was vacuuming, and a door fell on me. now, this place we rent is old, most of the furniture is crap and does fall apart now & then, but still, that was a big door. fortunately, [1] I caught it before it could damage me, and [2] by sheer stupid luck it fell this short of the fcking large glass balcony doors. very lucky, that. I live in a slum. ~ dear brain, stop that. what I had in mind was a small, self-contained, amusing dose of crack, NOT a kinky, angsty trip in cybermindfuck. I do not care how beautiful someone looks with a star in their heart. I do not care about quasi-sentient armor's existential issues either. I have things to do and a job to hunt. can we go back to light crack, like, now? yeah, right. Tags: bad idea, rl, tfs
mood: annoyed
sound: Jesus built my hotrod
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I know it's been trying... several months, you're exhausted, and restless, and starved for something out of the ordinary to do, and still as high on TFS as ever. understood. however, all of the above are not, mind me, not good reasons to generate mad, bad and positively indecent ideas. "no, literarily, fuck you, universe" is not teh best response, you know? especially when there is a dozen WIPs on your conscience. NO instant crazy pornography. you can't do it anyway, silly. but I'm afraid you will. nyargh... ~ walked by the sea again. have not written anything, alas, but! have not caught a nasty throat infection either. balance is the key. also had a pineapple milkshake, which had stuck in the blender, I kid you not. the straw stood in it. *facepalm* another "hard sucking" situation. shoot me. ~ had two weird, weird dreams: one about a convention trying to be, teh other about me [me!] being in the army. not quite clear *which* army, but I feel sorry for that unknown country, because the best I can do for national security is stay put. mean, we were about to depart for some complex & important exercise, and I could not find half of my gear. at least I knew my gear, mainly thanks to the fine, fine men I served with. I remember feeling v. glad to have known them, and v. sorry to be such a crappy soldier #-) dear subconscious, STFU? Tags: bad idea, dream, rl
mood:  excited
sound: Nine Inch Nails - Big Man With a Gun
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first, I've been trying to clean up me hard drives [at least 4 DVDs of comic archives, imagine that] when I recalled an old, old story, sketches for, and decided to look it up. have not found that one, but! have [re]discovered a practically completed Star Wars AU fic. it breaks my heart, that story does: it is AU and out of character in its assumptions, but there's some damn fine dialogue, and gods, I wish I could still write like that! I thought of rewriting it to fit the canon, Episode III specifically... and decided against it. wth, let it be big bad AU. with spices on top #-) that, gentlefolk, was one nice & unexpected trip. and a "get your shit together, good writing IS possible!" reminder. that was not the objective, though. the thing is... as much as I think & talk Stark, one'd rightfully expect me to write something already [and shut up, then], right? it's not like I lack [insane] writing ideas, right? and I cannot plead unfamiliarity with various canons any longer, too... so what does one do about it, pray? ...right, one flips. one visualizes a piece of pure crack & writes it the hell down. like this: ( hard candy )~ ... right, wtf. Tags: bad idea, ff, mine, tfs
mood:  content
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someplace my mind is unraveling slowly, sinking into a vision of liquid silk and fume - smoke - intoxication by touch, words extra dry, eyes glazing over. submerged, not floating but sliding with a languid ease, out of touch, against each other, whatever. on the other side of sane & sober. breathing ether..? the thing is, someplace it is, if only in a morbid yet vivid fantasy, it does happen. awful & awesome, deadly & delicate, and this. shall we liquefy, you and I..?Tags: bad idea, tfs
mood: tired
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once upon a time - about 4 years ago - there was a dream. a fantastic dream, thank you. 's just... it seems kind of unfair, now, to give me a crystal clear, hi-res picture of what the antagonist in that dream story would look like. 3D even, dammit. tall, dark & hansome not that tall, slim, smooth... dark, yes... reeking of money, dangerous efficiency and style... someone who looks like a ruthless bastard and, for a change, is a ruthless bastard. dear subconscious, screw you? also, SO sharing eyewear with his... trusted associate...definitely screw you '-) Tags: bad idea
mood: freaked
sound: Unheilig - Die Macht
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новый Хам Путтер нежно любимого мною серебристого цвету, безропотно простоявший в ожидании подключения почти 2 дня... ламер я, лааамер... он работает. теперь дай еще Господь памяти установить все, что надо...ооо... до отъездааа... ... прикид костюм есть. туфель пока нет, а очень надо, ибо без каблука и платформы это будет стелиться по полу. (а с каблука и платформы я имею все шансы упасть, но не перевелись же еще на конвенте джентльмены, авось поднимут #-) но рыдайу я не поэтому. меня же с легкой руки ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) kyellinn занесло на diary.ru, а таммм... там же вкусное лежит без оглядки на копирайт, там есть грамотный (!) свун, и а-куда-это-моя-крыша-так-быстро-полетела идеи, и..! "А что ему сделается, он же статуя..." и так далее. кстати, клип. Эльфи-варвар, конечно, не знал, что в трейлере ко второму Хеллбою звучит именно Раммштайн, причем именно эта вещь... зато теперь!!! зато теперь это горящее сердце и Mordred's Lullaby у меня "споются", и будет так хорошо, что даже плохо. о, а еще к ним присоединится Sky Is Over, которая вся из себя очень... эльфийская... аммэ!! Mordred's Lullaby, конечно, не совсем о том, но child of my pipe, flesh of my soul и особенно LOYALTY - это оно, всегда. (ойййййй-е мое, а ведь есть еще пылающее любовью сердце из католического легендариума и Milagro...) все, мозг вынесен в очередной раз. soundgasm. ( а ведь это еще не все )словом, спасайся, кто может. Tags: bad idea, h2, rl, бред
mood:  high
sound: Rammstein - Mein Herz Brennt
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there's a mental image of walking, just walking on & away into snowy mist, with icy breath gentle on one's face, not looking back, not coming back either. I know what's wrong with the picture, but it won't quit. sort of dead calm-2 in absence of starlight. [and there I was claiming to have put angst behind me. apparently my subconscious associative disagrees. it is afraid of breathless, quiet things on the other side of everything.] [the other shore, and the strait is frozen over, and we've been crossing it since Antiquity or even before. *facepalm* somewhere in XF a motherload of legend is hidden, naturally.] those five weeks need to be over soon: I want to be gloriously wrong '-) Tags: bad idea, xf, бред
mood:  exhausted
sound: dead can dance - the snake and the moon
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XF is ah so full of it abbreviations. some are fandom-generated, some come from venerable military & bureaucratic tradition, some... ah. ah and aw. it's like fire walk with me, only word- and letter-wise... [my current music speaks of eating seeds like a pastime activity and of somewhere, between the sacred silence and sleep, and tell me how we found each other this time, damn] but - but, speaking of music and stuff, I. here's the idea, of Let Us Compare Mythologies with Jedi Master Mace Windu and Anno Domini Assistant Director Walter S. Skinner. would someone, please, by a great cosmic & karmic coincidence, write it? [XF, Star Wars and Leonard Cohen. the combination has an orgasmic quality] Tags: bad idea, xf
mood:  hungry
sound: Toxicity still
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вот как глючить надо! урбан-панк-триллер "Джек Воробей и Кольцо Всевластья". реликт [relic], блин. приснится - не отмашешься ;-) это, конечно, не встреча двух трех капитанов в водах Амана, но. (и Кольцо-то он надевать не хотел, надеялся обойтись своими силами и здравым смыслом противника... ага.) (увы, *что* это было я осознала только к концу глюка сна, поэтому помнится очень мало и сумбурно. помнится, был там один замечательный, очень в духе Плоского Мира, трюк: не физически услать оппонента нах за тридевять земель, но "обернуть" вокруг него все недостающее время и расстояние... мррррр.) Tags: bad idea, dream
mood:  awake
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( watch the wavering haaaand... )~ and, as my mind is still ring-shaped, a question: what causes climate & seasonal changes in Arda [ besides Eru's will, or elaborate]? (unless the ways of the Sun and the Moon were specifically designed just so and change over the course of the year... for the sake of infinite diversity #-) the next question, of course, would be what is the true shape of the world, pray? ~ a-and, as a token of Early Morning Thinking, "...he wavered" from book III could be, in certain best traditions, translated as "он заколебался..." and it would fit. hit me. with a cup of coffee or something. Tags: bad idea, jrrt, meme
mood: amused
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the most sensible thing in my conspect of our supposed lecture on RMI is "The Net of Nets" definition of the internet. fuuuuuck, at times I wonder whether anything good will ever come out of this unnatural marriage of lit and hi-tech which is me. at times I code and hunt things down on the net and plan the project parts for there is no choice & it is fun. and at times I discover I fall in love with people phonetically [again]. *facepalm* but those fine 'w's and 'h's and ë! spelling vs. pronunciation, letters & sounds playing hide-and-seek... and even finer voices to speak of. how to withstand the charm and temptation? how, pray? to say nothing of accents..! [is it possible to speak sunshine? seems so. aw.] ~ [am so not writing a Creatures of the Wood something. but want to. with all mighty and academically sound Russian fandom in mind #-) an unoriginal prankster me.] ~ ( F is for fearless and fair, yes? )~ 'm off to explore the vast desolate place somewhere in the heart of L... Tags: bad idea, lotr
mood:  weird
sound: Falconer - Enter The Glade
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some progress has been made. and then some boots have been bought. balance remains '-) ~ spent a better part of last night wrestling with bloody AVP. that's certainly a change '-) ~ opened a [random] LJ user profile only to see Lord Faramir's declaration of love for his White City stare at me from the page. gentle beings, this surpasses 'amusing' right into 'trippy'. ~ speaking of trippy, because I still can't manage more than 4 hours of sleep and there's no air in the office and ..., I can quite clearly see a certain song video set to Akvarium's ballad of the golden city. it would even work. pls supply oxygen, mental eraser, healthy food & an order to stay outdoors... Tags: bad idea
mood: high
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thou shalt NOT stay up till 2 a.m. reading LotR crack. thou shalt NOT stay up till 2 a.m. reading LotR crack. thou shalt NOT stay up till 2 a.m. reading LotR crack. repeat until it works. hallucinating Faramir ride to battle whistling the march from Bridge Over River Kwai under his breath was well worth it. literally falling asleep at work & in class was NOT. that's not cool, not good, not on. kindly stop that. ~ ...that vision, though. pray there is something in the great Net written in the spirit of, for it's perfect. where, oh where shall we look, precious, for LotR crack well-written? preferably before bedtime, too '-) Tags: bad idea, lotr
mood: exhausted
sound: System of a Down - Revenga
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( the cats of doom! )~ in other news, I am a pervert, for not only do I want certain bad & wrong crack to be written, I want it to be written well, so the reader wouldn't cringe and mentally puke a couple of sentences into it. come on, folks. you've already succumbed to the dark temptation of mindfuck, do you absolutely have to follow in bad writing?! *facepalm* I am almost, almost tempted to join some obscure underground LotR community & ask for it #-S ~ but! there's sunshine and love to strengthen one's failing faith in writing fankind. as found in Henneth Annûn Story Archive, which abbreviates to HASA #-) A Proper Name. read it. give it a big sloppy kiss hug. it's so worth it '-) Tags: bad idea, dream, lotr, recs
mood: high
sound: Tic Tac Toe - Warum
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ah, what progress made! instead of a precious something I did not dare touch for days there is now a precious story idea I don't quite dare to write [yet]. it hit me at work, and... wow. this unmistakable undescribable feeling of a full-fledged idea arriving at top speed... I wonder if pro/more prolific writers ever get used to it, because the rush is mindblowing. even if it never gets written, that perfect moment as it comes..! *exhales slowly* the thing is, I've been suddenly reminded of my being a sci-fi girl after all. now I hold in me hands a complete skeleton of E.T., a gothic short story. shoot me. complete with, quite literally, space opera, floating heads aflame, animal magnetism & stuff. oh, and, of course, character death [which alone, of all things, is canon]. I wanna-wanna-wanna write it, I just don't wanna fuck it up [too badly]. shoot me. ~ speaking of not writing, there's this [thanx, Lew]. I'm, ah, dying to read the final collection... and I didn't write anything because deadlines & competition do freak me out, but mostly because my mind immediately made an U-turn and supplied a neat plot bunny about a youngster who somehow makes the Machine malfunction. *kicks mind* ~ somebody at work uploaded a Gavin Friday album. thank you, good man unknown, for this song here has eaten my braaaain... ( Apologia lyrics )Tags: bad idea, lyrics, ph
mood:  crazy
sound: Gavin Friday - Apologia
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my spam mail says "Parts Western Welcome." the world conspires #-) some time ago in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) fanthropology there was the Character Exchange program. the sad thing is, my head still resounds with the echoes of it occasionally. like today's Johnny Daemonic, which crosses Constantine with... argh. if I could excise that particular bit of mind, the one responsible for wacky links, I would. right away. there is this amazing character... kinship, as far as possible, but there is not an inkling of a plot or a point, so to the Idea Morgue this one goes. honestly, mental erasers would've been a major commercial success #-) I want - need! - another vacation. to sort out the consequences of the last one, at least '-) had I ever mentioned that there was a specific scent to England? a different air, certainly, and this subtle yet unmistakable aroma, fresh and familiar and promising an adventure... Tags: bad idea
mood:  cranky
sound: leonard cohen - the land of plenty
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the meme that ate killed sporked the fandoms, probably... The Rules:First, write down the names of 12 characters. Then read and answer the questions. You can't look at the questions (or click on the cut) until you write down the 12 characters you're going to use. The List:1. Qui-Gon Jinn 2. Havelock Vetinari 3. Sheldon Jeffrey Sands 4. Remus J. Lupin 5. Bail Organa 6. Luke Skywalker 7. Fred Abberline [film version] 8. Morton Rainey [film version] 9. A.X.L. Pendergast 10. Zachary Smith [again, movie version] 11. Obi-Wan Kenobi 12. Dracula [as in BSD] Remember not to click on the cut until you've made your own list.( The Madness... )apologies for the excessive use of the F word, but none other would've done #-) Tags: bad idea, meme
mood:  wicked
sound: Velvet Underground - Venus in furs
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*headdesk* am I thick, stupid, et cetera? why do I always screw up? like, every time??? aaargh!.. bugger, blast, and so on! ... I'm only saved by the music, apparently. God bless Danny & Co. ... dammit... ah, well. from scratch, again. meanwhile I had this vague story idea of a man trying to write his name back... into the book of Death. so's he could live & die normally, thank you. you see, a long time ago he was an extremely lucky man. they used to say he had nine lives & such... but of course he didn't, and one day his luck ran out, and the Grim Reaper came, and you cannot make a deal with Death... or can you? so our hero [who just happens to be a good man] gets an extension with every intent to keep his word & die upon finishing his business, and that's where things get tricky. his nemesis destroys his record in Death's book, thus erasing him from the normal life/death cycle... so he's not really alive, living on borrowed time etc., but not dead either, and Death cannot 'see' him, and everyone is pretty much pissed off, naturally... there was a vision of a girl [of course]. there always is a girl, yes? and a crystal clear vision of the hero finally - and happily - signing his page, and everything ending not like anyone thought it ever would. [ETA: on names. our hero would not even be able to use his given name, not because he's hiding something - which he is, - but because technically such a person with such a name would have ceased to exist. he would eventually tell his real name - to the girl, on demand, - and she would forget - dissociate - it in a minute... ah] I even know where it comes from. *headdesk*. a crazy story idea looking for literary flesh and blood a nice home? beat it... Tags: bad idea, story
mood:  angry
sound: Oingo Boingo - Pedestrian Wolves
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bless and curse the Search This Journal thingy, because now with a click I can have *all* the sweet poison served & sorted conveniently... and what do I do when I'm already feeling *weird* about something? why, get a lethal overdose of it. that vulture-like creature crouching in a tree above the stream, waiting patiently for the body of * to float by? that'd be me. an unsavory character... speaking of characters [and I was going to use the word 'people', thought better of it, got " Real people?" sneered back at me], speaking of those tricky characters, two persons probably sharing the view of and approach to sex is not a suggestion/invitation to mindfuck! or any other kind of fuck. er. no, graphic resemblance and sort of positive/negative look is not that either. and do not ask me how mental landscapes from Thud! fit in, because they so awfully, perfectly do... mind like a city, and memory palaces, and - yes, and an entire multiverse... and stray ideas, oh gods or any other powers that be... [gods of choice?] the idea is crazy, period, but also cool. and as I lack the talent/finesse/drive/whatever to do it justice, a stray idea it will remain. hopefully. [ah, the unwritten texts, and critical mass of faith, and ideas coming back/around to bite you you-know-where!] speaking of [semi]original characters, wtf is wrong with this story?! *ages* ago, from the beginning, I knew there was this element. a reference, an *idea*, nothing big, and suddenly right about *now* my subconscious decides to share the insights, and lo & behold, the thing creeps into the limelight. argh! the ever-so-original Grey Zones of temporally frozen & fading reality... *headdesk* I so need a vacation... Tags: bad idea, dw, p&c
mood: cranky
sound: My Chemical Romance - The Ghost Of You
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well, now I've laughed so hard it hurt. no restraint whatsoever, dammit... but it could not be helped! see, the original Russian title is Иван Васильевич меняет профессию [ Ivan Vasilyevich Changes Occupation], and Amazon.co.uk lists it as Ivan Vasilievich - Back to the Future. ...*am dead* it almost makes up for several *damn good* movies not existing in *any* format available in the backwater jungle of Israel. almost... [ Becket? Rubin and Ed? shall I go on?!] [on the other hand, if anyone knows a way of, ah, obtaining those, I'm all ears] speaking of swings, there is this [very] mental image of Peter and Crispin on the opposite sides of the bars. "Have you seen any... rats?" mm, ice and ivory, and accursed AT #-) *headdesk* Tags: bad idea
mood: high
sound: Tomoyasu Hotei - Battle without Honour
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rushed
frustrated
creative
okay
nauseated