a journal bound in leather fine

predictable E is predictable

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 17:47:10 GMT

as an example of where my brain has gone here be this old thing.
*er*, told you so '-)

title: (1)
fandom: Bleach
author: elefwin
rating: G
words: 420
summary: the series' One True One PWP.
notes: it may become a part of getting physical thing for cliche_bingo.

~

(1)

Starrk has dead eyes, iron skin and no heart at all. When Lilynette hits him with words and fists – hard, harder, to get through – it's like trying to move a mountain, and with a mountain there is a chance. She does not give up. Starrk does not mind: she can stop no more than he can be bothered to care. Starrk does not mind anything.

Lilynette is not a child: children grow. She's just that way: a small thing, an uneven half, all drive and fight sealed in the body of a girl. She is Starrk's short fuse. When they are together things blow up.

The trouble is, they cannot really be together anymore.

They went out into the desert once, far away from Las Noches with its brittle walls and fake blue sky. In the heart of the night, under the dead moon of Hueco Mundo they became one again. It was… not the same.

What once more looks like a tall man and a slip of a girl stands in a circle of turned up sand. The girl throws her head back and howls, a lone, terrible piercing sound, scaring away everything that might have survived the Primera's release.
"Indeed," says the man.
He is not good – he does not know how or why to comfort, but he lays a big sure hand on the girl's shoulder.
It's a long walk back, and it is not a walk home.

Starrk knows no defeat in battle, because he seeks no victory. It's infuriating, it's dangerous, it's terrifying. But he knows no fear…

Punching Starrk is worse than punching a mountain, but his throat is silky soft. He coughs, and wheezes, and hisses when Lilynette squeezes his balls.

We are being attacked and killed, she says. Do something, she says with a well-placed fist.
"What... do you want me to do about it?" Starrk asks, and time grinds to a halt at the sound of this flat voice, under the gaze of these dead eyes. Nothing…
…but a warm heavy hand on her hip. Starrk throws his other arm across his face, and she sees his eyes no more. Under her small hands his chest rises and falls slowly, steadily, in a rhythm she cannot compare to anything because there are no oceans in Hueco Mundo.

They cannot have what they want, but this.

Lilynette curls up on Starrk's flat hard stomach and falls asleep to the sound and swell of his breath, fossilized in the chamber of gold and green.

against all evidence I'm not dead yet

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 22:58:17 GMT

I just... er.
very much er.
I... got lost somewhere on my way to normal life.
in the past month or so I have written... not bad stuff, watched quite a few amazing films and translated one of them, learned a bit more about CSS and some video editing software, learned some simple but neat Photoshop tricks, laughed way too much, confused and amused good people, did a bar swim, learned yet more random Japanese words...
aww, I've been utterly useless - from an objective, practical point of view.
there, there.
poke me.

memory lapce

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 16:38:33 GMT

herein be proof that nothing, but nothing is new under the sun, and life moves in ~~mysterious ways~~ spirals.
this particular spiral had apparently begun about 10 years ago. tell me about blast from the past!
not much at first: an impression, a shallow ~~grave~~ groove...

Tadanobu Asano, from Taboo (Gohatto, 1999)

*golden*

night of love, the first

night of love, the second

not a hero

not at all

blood. becomes. him.

~~the flashback of doom~~

his last night

farewell

the day of wtf

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 16:48:45 GMT

today was... not my day.
I locked myself out of the apartment. I spent about two hours in a queue for nothing. I spent the next 4 hours at a shopping mall, where, among other things, I found out that memory cards my camera uses are sorta out of production. [yes, now I have one messed up card and a possibly dead card reader, and several good photos lost.] most fortunately I had Advil with me, for I was heartily sick most of the time.
the only person with the keys to the apartment got stuck in another town for another hour.
...and when I finally got home my brand new cell phone was missing. so I went back into the dark, using my old phone as a dowsing rod, and found the thing under a flamboyant tree [there actually is a kinf of tree called flamboyant in Israel, will tell in a happier hour].
when yesterday I said this day would be something else I did NOT mean like this #-(

how I fell off the face of Earth

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 23:02:07 GMT

the thing is... nothing particularly worth telling about happened. no, really. any day now RL is gonna start kicking me, hard, for loitering with intent.
~
jasmine-flavoured tea session happened:
how about some tea?

bring it on!

^_____^

~
then I, uh... got sucked into another ~~black hole~~ fandom, against all odds -- yeah, there were days when I seriously thought I'd never read comics, too, -- and something strange happened. I read & watch canon in English only, but fanstuff? mostly in Russian. beats me why. maybe Russian ways of thinking are that bit closer to Japanese original? anyway. I've been spamming the web in my mother tongue. even wrote a classic romantic fic, Bummer: A Love Story [in Russian. I've also been translating *between* Russian, English & Romanian, but I don't think I'll ever do this one].
~
then there's ~~fooling around with a marker & a camera~~ improvisation:

~
I owe so much to so many %(

on folding a Tamatebako cube

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 06:00:52 GMT

the sad fact that the paper is, frustratingly, not exactly square will not stop us '-) the process is most exciting. especially the pinwheel module stage, which in my case goes smth. like this: fold a spoke, get the hang of it, now turn the whole thing in your hands until it settles just right.
I do need origami paper.
and a job.
and a good reason to go on.
er.

away away away

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 08:26:51 GMT

someday soon I'll touch down, I'll have to. but for now?

an icon meme from bwinter:
[01] Comment to this entry saying 'ICONS!' and I will pick 6 of your icons.
[02] Make an entry in your own journal and talk about the icons I picked!
~

	ah, the shiny one '-) this is a lucky accident and a memento from Discworld Convention 2004. I was photographing apparently everyone & everything at the gala reception and must have looked innocent & harassed enough to get away with it '-) so there's this photo of a fine, if indignantly looking, gentleman... with a perfect shot of Stephen Briggs's hand holding a glass of champagne in the background #-) it was... radiant. it was too good to pass. so here it is, for all things cheerful.
	Luke Skywalker, looking v.serious, and the Hebrew word for "hope". hmm. hope seems to be essential for both SW universe and Israel, so... two great things that taste great together. and blue eyes. how do you like your blue-eyed boy, o multiverse?
	ah-ha, this one! have you read Feet of Clay? do if you haven't yet, it's all good. and in a scene towards the end the word "voilà" is uttered & is deliberately mistaken for a name of a musical instrument. it's classic. and when I saw this picture I knew at once what that musical instrument might look like. thus was born the icon for those special moments, y'know, life's so fond of them '-)
	this is What I Do, mostly.
	the awesome flaming hair belongs to the one & only Kirk Lazarus '-) a simple & powerful image, it stands for things either amazing or extremely unwise... or both!
	awwww... this is from Marvel Adventures: Avengers, from the [in]famous issue with the hellhounds. this is MA!Tony Stark, a.k.a. Iron Man, arguing finer poins of dog training with the Hulk. you can imagine how that went. but! if we forget about dogs, it does look like a sweet example of iron logic anyway. so there: questionable arguments, sticky situations, and irony.

iSpam

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 19:58:22 GMT

I wear these:

#-)

classic

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 22:42:17 GMT

WTF, aw, WTF

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 00:02:42 GMT

[all art belongs to Kubo the Maker. further graphic perversion is all mine.]

Captain Ukitake in his almost natural state:

~
Captain Ukitake facing Bleached reality:

~
more of the same:

~
...and the reason why I got sucked into this mess:

...hellp?

humanity fail

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:44:04 GMT

the main reason I do not make race fail is this: I don't get there, I fail earlier. I do not feel -- am not -- connected or conscious enough. it is a BAD thing & cause of many a trouble. I look at those social experiments and tests and find out I am prejudiced against people, no matter their color. not good.
what's weird is... how to put this? when there is a story to be told, I can see where it goes bad re: aspects of humanity. now, to learn that not everything can be reduced to bad writing...

Mahrrrr... what?

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 16:48:56 GMT

Nick Happy and his Yodeling Commandos.
*facepalms, runs away*
the world conspires.

...rats.

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 18:31:16 GMT

apparently there is a subconscious brain/canon link: writing freezes until canon moves on & over that block. it sucks a lot.
[on the one hand, thanks, I know where to take it now. on the other, no thanks, I have to rewrite half of it now. rrr. that's what one gets for setting a story in the present.]

other old news: yep, I am that snobby fanbrat who always craves impossible things. not only I want stories about... idiosyncratic combinations of characters, I want them well-written and somewhat canon-compliant. thus I end up with cases of mental indigestion and try to do it myself, and we all know how I write #-(

rats.

brain-eater

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 21:15:11 GMT

...awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww '-)

the evil!

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 09:35:21 GMT

lookit Translation Party. be afraid, for it is time consuming crack #-)

~

tried it on fics' first lines, have to say it was especially unkind to poor Princess Nuala:
Nora, Valor, I believe, a fairy tale princess, daughter of the death of my country.
Since Abraham, she asked. -- indeed. trust no-one!

and this one's pure gold:
Gordon is found guilty of Batman voice satisfaction.
LOL, just... LOL!

~

...God, I love this song. hellllllllp...

no news = good news

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 23:34:28 GMT

turns out I strongly dislike vodka. I'm a rum girl '-)
jasmine tea, on the other hand, is fragrant and gentle. mmm, yum.
~
turns out there was a festival in our town, and we somehow got there a couple of hours before it closed '-) there were... amazing machines, artistic improvisation, kleizmer bands, bubbles, fireworks..! and balloons #-)
well, ever since DWCon 2004 I wanted a balloon sword, and 5 years later I got one.
in black.

so it did not photograph very well. its shadow, on the other hand...

no, really. epic '-)

~
so there's that. also, I need a [friendly] kick to finish the only story that seems to have some plot. the Bleach one is a totally lost case of fanart writing #-)

oh, SNAP

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 21:14:25 GMT

congratulations, it's past midnight and I'm writing a stupid fic based on canon I hardly know & am allergic to. go me. [well, it told me its name, what can a girl DO?]

then I looked at everything I've done and might yet do for the bingo, and what do you know! all those stories, all of them, are about death in some way. characters start out or end up dead. characters think and/or speak about death. characters impersonate death. it looms, dammit.
*headdesk*
since when has my cliché bingo become a private softcore necro... fest?

ETA: eh? dear story, I'm glad you have discovered your well-balanced inner structure, and okay, you know I have a blood kink, but *where* the hell do you think you're going?! the... world does not work that way!
but you're funny '-)

subconscious sux

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 20:17:33 GMT

I'm becoming allergic to life. again.

also, when mind realized that getting physical: touching, hugging and cuddling bingo prompt was quickly becoming a WTF Bleach fanfic it freaked out and brought up that ~~kawaii~~ lovely bittersweet Kenobi/Organa story I meant to tell a long time ago and in a galaxy far, far away...
no love, mind.
none.
poor unfinished 616 happy ending #-(

MAAAAARRRRRRRVEL..!

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 10:46:31 GMT

ahem. sorry, that was loud. but deserved. but... okay, The Invincible Iron Man spoiler ahead.
after THIS I feel entitled to a well-contained hysterical laughing fit.
*commences*
guh... really, guys, you could not have done that, like, [half] a year ago?
*carries on*
guess I ought to finish that one bingo story now. Tony fcking Stark, your fcked up motivator... ♥

long time, no see... fic!

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 01:14:43 GMT

deary me. the next one will be happy, I swear.

title: Death and the Maiden
fandom: Hellboy II
author: elefwin
rating: G
words: 600
warning: no beta, midnight writing, despondency.
summary: we all fight alone, faerie are islands too.
notes: written for cliche_bingo's episode tags and missing scenes prompt.

~

Death and the Maiden

Nuala, daughter of Balor, princess of the faerie, considered death. She was in the right place to do so, for in Bethmoora everything died. Even the air... Ages ago the sky above the city had turned to stone, and its air -- to dust. Everything lost its meaning, purpose and sense but the gold -- pure, terrible, deadly gold. She could not bear to stay down there a moment longer. Her brother could. Drunk on hope and despair, he prowled the sunken city with a grim joy. Thankfully, he did not try to make her join him. Thus she sat on a rock between pale sky and angry sea, in her beautiful blue dress, with her lonely thoughts, dying. Slower than below, much more slow, but surely.

Breeze touched her face, started to weave her hair into a crown, and died away, leaving a faint warm breath of rot behind. Even here, through folds of twisted stone and time, it crept. She wondered how far. Could it quietly poison and swallow all before anyone took notice? Nuala stared at her hands, bone-thin, bone-white, weak, and felt blood freeze solid gold in her veins. Anyone but him. Not Nuada, who took each wound dealt to their world as his own. She wanted to be strong for him, but where he sought hope she found only dread. Very soon bleeding world would fall into her twig-like hands, and she could not -- for all her love and royal blood, -- could not promise to heal it. She never held a sword, never took a life, but she knew how. Now she was mortally afraid she no longer knew how to give. Too long she's been dying!

Yet she wanted to live.

As though summoned by longing and thought, Nuada appeared by her side. He did not touch her, did not say a word, and his presence was bitter, unyielding... but it warmed her at the world's end. Seeing him in daylight was strange. Their people were creatures of dusk and night, and it had never mattered until the children of men took the sun from them. And now the light and the breeze touched her brother like a stranger in a strange land, like they would unravel him, strand by strand of scarlet and black and blood golden...

"Brother mine, is your heart turning to gold too?"

"Ha!"

He was afraid then, her brother who would not call himself king, who would stand alone against all foes if such be fate. Nuada Silver Lance was afraid of something that had nothing to do with the battle to come, and she could no longer see into his heart.

"Do you want to die?" He looked at her then, with a smile and stolen sunlight in his eyes.

It was a honest question, not a threat. It was a promise: if she said yes he would let her. He would abandon it all: his dream, his war, his life -- if she honestly wanted to die…

"No," she said, and felt the chilly dread no more. They could never be one again, and they could never, despite their father's best intentions, be apart, bound by a link stronger than blood, will and time. And she, against all reason, wanted to live.

"Come then, sister. Our guests will be here soon."

She took Nuada's hand and followed, long September day lingering like a pale mantle about her -- a strange thing to take below, a strange last memory of her land to keep.

Because Nuala did not want to die, she just might have to.

hello, my name is Elfie, and I'm a scatterbrain

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 21:23:04 GMT

some time ago I have, ah, discovered Bleach. [why, YES, I am most unwise.]
being a barbarian, I got it all wrong, of course #-)
so... here's my OneWTF3. the text is original. vimeslady, Starrk is the one on the right '-)

~

(captain Ukitake, captain Kyōraku & Primera Espada, may they all survive the epic mess of Bleach, however unlikely '-)

~

really...
...and then there are Ultimate Avengers. words, anyone?!

no can do

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 21:50:13 GMT

those good old "list N characters, answer [crack] questions about them, PROFIT" memes? can't do them anymore, what with being an unimaginative scatterbrain. after a certain small amount of bad ideas and batshit scenarios generated brain shuts down. some things, however...
simple questions, actually, like "Is Starrk hot? How hot?"
*meditates*
*thinks about great cosmic indifferent solitude*
*meditates some more*
yrs truly, easily distracted & confused.

~

life is, indeed, confusing. I fail a job interview, because I cannot sell shit. once everyone and their mother got that, I'm offered another opportunity... interview for a job with prior experience in marketing and sales required. o_0

rrr

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 22:10:45 GMT

no, seriously, WTF with the brain? give me a canon, and I'll come up with half a dozen WTF-situations that will seem perfectly logical and/or natural to me. mind works in mysterious and disturbing ways. esp. immense cultural differences considered '-)
[and psychologists wonder why I have so few friends. because very few can stand WTF overdrive, which is not, alas, fandom-restricted.]
~
I used to associate this song with T.E.Lawrence. ha, said the universe... and gave me disassembled someone.
~
in RL news, library research rocks, Advil is a lifesaver, and ripped USA flag iPod skin still looks cool. pfft.

so..!

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 20:52:23 GMT

not good news: job not found, teeth a mess, me - an even bigger mess, same old, same old.
not bad news: lived all right through tooth extraction, been taken to Jerusalem and back on a failed job interview, got tickets to the one & only Leonard Cohen concert in Israel. [this last one is, in fact, BEST news. pray all is well up to & on September 24.]
balance?
Zen?!

oh, and when, back then, I said I did not have enough bingo ideas a dear friend had wisely told me that they would come. right. they have. and they are MAD! [and still do not form a complete line, grrrr...] anyway, I will not fail it completely now. nice '-)

[and I am a coward, which is not new either. a certain kind of coward. which is also why, I guess, I like Ravenous so much: it strikes a chord.]

memo to self

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 21:58:30 GMT

dear Elfie, really. you have one hell of a week to face, you are not ready for it, your life is a fcking mess, y'know?
then there is a deadline, and you have virtually nothing to show. you have plans, though.
be a good girl, follow that through. get your shit together, finish what you had started.
learn to count.
do not start new WTFs, try.
that said, Starrk has dead eyes is a good opening, true, but DROP IT pls? do not write off a canon you barely know. do not write anime-based fanfiction.
no love at all #-(

[but Starrk does have dead eyes, and a pack of lone wolves forever runs through the Hollow World night...]